I don’t easily “read” as gay. Can’t do most any of the stereotypical… and sometimes it even seems “normal”… things many gay men do. I actually do happen to like video games and, just last night, spend several hours reading about the developmental lineage of the B-2 Spirit bomber. (Fascinating.)
But while I might qualify as a “gay bro” or “straight acting”, in all the ways that matter, in all the ways that we’re still penalized, still called second-class, still seen as “skim milk”, I’m just as big a fag as homoiest-homo that ever flamed, sashayed or fabuloused their way down the street.
So if you somehow wound up lucky enough to “pass” for straight, are fortunate enough that you only hear the word “fag” hurled your way when walking in the Castro and not in Chicago, or blessed enough to not to have to scrub “homo” off your car — again — because idiots with penis issues make you the subject of their hate, if you are any of those things (and more) and you still don’t come out, still don’t stand with all those folks who do take the hit, then you aren’t helping. You’re hiding. You are in a new closet. And you are just as much a victim of homophobia as those you sought to distance yourself from.